Cracked Wide Open
On Presidential Election Night in November, 2012, Thelma (my drum) fell from her stand and hit the power supply for my mixer and split open. I find it VERY interesting that it happened at the exact moment that Obama was named to have won. I was devastated. I wept like a mother who lost a child. Of course I was grieving the loss of the sweet tones and life force of Thelma but also was processing so many other deeply emotional pieces that had been “up” for me over the past weeks. The flood gates opened. I felt utterly alone. And I believed that the loss I was feeling would be experienced……Alone. I believed that no one could ever empathize with THIS one. Some key people in my life had been processing their own grief so I felt I could not go to them for support. And with all these beliefs swirling and gelling I believed that Thelma was not the only thing that split open on Election Night.
I am a very even and rational person. I do not “fly off the handle” or go into rages like the stereotypical red head is rumored to do. I am deeply passionate but not at all erratic. In this situation I simply wept for my loss. I wept rapid tears that tested the capacity of tissue until I was inspired to contact the drum maker (Rob of Metloef Drums) in the Netherlands. I knew Thelma was fixable and all was not lost. It took a few days before I heard back from Rob and sent him pictures. I am still waiting to hear about the final time frame and price tag for Thelma’s “head” surgery.
And in the mean time I experience my own head surgery. Perhaps it would be better to call it a surgery of the mind. As I explore the practice of forgiveness and a letting go of the false perceptions of this world I find myself surprisingly at peace with this new development. I am reminded that I am never alone and that the loving kindness of the whole of all being is always with me. In fact, it would have taken a very special human to be able to comfort me in the way I needed in that moment. In that moment I did not need the problem to be “fixed”. All I wanted was to be energetically and physically held and told “It’s going to be okay. You are not alone”. And in this kindness I would have remembered that the only problem that exists is that I disconnected from Source. In the absence of this I took my heart to bed and practiced letting go completely. I gave myself this kindness the best that I could and the next morning my perception shifted. I made adjustments, found one of my backup drums to use for my upcoming concert, and waited in patience to hear from the drum maker to get more information for the next step. All of this I experienced peacefully with the sweetness of surrender.
Thelma was not the only thing that cracked open that night. A new consciousness is upon us. I can choose fear and get pulled into the darkness by the ego or I can choose love and experience true freedom from old moldy stories that don’t serve me or humanity anymore. In fact, those old decaying stories overly consumed are just making me and my fellow humans sick. Choosing love takes vigilance. And yet it is the most rewarding choice I can ever make. I say goodbye to the form Thelma once took. Like a Phoenix from the ashes she will rise. She will rest right next to my heart to make sweet tones and fabulous rhythms in tandem with my musical soul. Together we will alight anew and continue our creative dance.
I invite you to click here to download and listen to Thelma at her best. This track, ‘We’ll Always Sing’ is a great example of my drumming dance with her, but it isn’t currently available for free download. As a thank you for being one of my subscribers, I want to give it to you for free so you can hear how much joy she brings me and the world – no strings attached.
If you like this track, click here to listen to other sample tracks from RED ALABASTER & BLUE. It is also listed on my music page with the rest of my albums. There is a lot of my soul on RED ALABASTER & BLUE because it is one of my most socially conscious albums to date. It made history with the ‘Symbol Song’ and how it helped rally masses of people to the cause of religious freedom in this country.